Tag Archives: Sexism

Pre-marital Sex:What’s The fuss?


Premarital Sex. Not everyone wants to talk about it. It's hardly even a word anymore. For some, they reason there is nothing to talk about. It's just part of normal life and there's nothing wrong with it so what's there to discuss? For yet another group of people, it's an uncomfortable topic and should be avoided. Then there are some who don't mind talking about it. In fact they condemn it and are quick to judge those who engage or have engaged in this behavior in the past. You may belong to anyone of the three groups described or not but one thing is for sure, the title caught your attention and you probably wanted to hear what someone had to say about it right? Perhaps the picture at the beginning of the page drew you in like a magnet and you had to read. It's okay. I can understand as I'm human too. 

Let's talk sex before marriage.

That's what premarital sex means for the most part. I'm sure you didn't stop by to read mumbo-jumbo so I'll  give it to you straight. This is not for everyone. It's for women who desire to have a long-term loving relationship with their spouse someday. Women who want a deep level of intimacy. Who desire to be loved and cherished.If this describes you, then get a glass of water or your favorite beverage, make yourself comfortable and let's talk.

What did you hear about Premarital Sex?

Perhaps you heard it's wrong and a sin before God or maybe you heard it's okay as long as you love the guy and you both plan to get married someday.If you heard it's a sin, I have no doubt that you've had a few Bible references shoved in your face of why it is wrong so I'll skip the Bible Study. I'm not presenting myself as your Bible Study teacher today (though that would be fun).  I present myself to you as your advocate. Someone who feels strongly about you achieving your goal of a long-term marriage oozing with love,intimacy and passion.

What if it wasn't a sin…

When you're in the process of making a decision as to who you'd spend the rest of your life with, you need all the objectivity you can get. As women, we can get very emotional which isn't a bad thing in it's self. I'm all for the warm fuzzies and belly full of butterflies in a courting/dating relationship but you don't want to make a decision based on invisible butterflies alone. Being able to objectively evaluate the guy you are with is critical if you really want to have a happily ever after. The problem is, sex tends to cloud one's judgement. I like the way relationship expert,  Mark Gungor puts it…

"Sex Makes You Dumb"

Okay, that was pretty blunt but work with me here. I don't know about you but it was hard enough keeping my head straight when my husband and I were courting without throwing sex into the mix. Being in a relationship can be exciting especially when your hormones are working overtime and all you can think about is this one guy who has just swept you off your feet and captured your heart. We tend not to be very objective in that state of mind, having sex only makes it harder. It is reported that when couples have relationship problems early in marriage and they make comments like "he/she was not like that before we got married", it's usually because they were sexually active with each other before marriage. This blinds them to things they would otherwise have picked up. This inability to be objective is also the reason why ladies have fallen for one of the myths that has helped promote premarital sex…

"It Will Bring Us Closer"

Uh, you mean bring your bodies closer? Well, that's all that will be brought closer, your bodies. It's a known fact that we  women seek intimacy more than anything else in a relationship and are often tempted to give up just about anything for it. Having premarital sex doesn't bring you closer anymore than staring at the picture of a diamond ring makes it yours. No, you'd have to buy the ring. So also , you'd have to do the things that really foster intimacy. Things like talking about individual interests, goals, dreams and getting to really know each other. Having a heart to heart connection. 

"Genital Sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion…Intimacy in fact has almost nothing to do with out sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate" – Alice Fryling


"…But We Love Each Other!"

Yes, i agree. Chances are we love our parents and families too but we don't sleep with them. That's evidence that it's possible to love outside of sex. Sex and love can be very much mutually exclusive and one should not be mistaken for the other. Having premarital sex creates a sense of entitlement where one partner feels like they 'own' the other person. It's either the guy starts acting like a possessive jerk or the girl starts clinging to the guy because she thinks that having sex was a kind of declaration of love. Honey, it ain't so.  Don't feel like he owes you something. He doesn't. He never declared in front of witnesses to love and cherish you as long as you both live so he's not bound by any oath. "But…but we made love…" No, you only attempted to force it. Do you get it? We just drove into another lie. The lie of …

"If I Sleep With Him, He'll See What He Is Missing And Want To Get Married" Not!

He won't see what he's missing because…he won't be missing anything! My dear, the guy is getting the milk for free, why would he want to buy the cow? Pardon my French, but if he could get the sex he wants from you, why should he be in a hurry to make a commitment to you? He's eating his cake and having it. 

"He'll leave If I Don't Do It"

So what makes you think he'll stay if you do? Plus, if he leaves because you won't have premarital sex, good riddance to bad rubbish! Yes, I just said that. If it makes you cringe that I describe him like that then it should make you cringe that he thinks the only reason you are worth staying with is your body. If all you are to him is a set of breasts and …you know what, there are plenty of those in this world. Let him move camp ASAP, because you my friend are worth more than that. Any man worth your time knows that and will wait, trust me.

"We Are Getting Married"

Congratulations! So what's the hurry about having sex? Well, what difference will the piece of paper make? If you bought into that lie, let me tell you that marriage isn't a piece of paper, it's a sacred communion between two individuals. It's an agreement between a man and a woman to both love, honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. It's not a paper, the paper only serves as evidence that vows were exchanged in front of witnesses. It's funny how people talk about marriage being a paper but don't talk about their own lives as a piece of paper. Your parents got a piece of paper when you were born, it's called a birth certificate. How logical would it sound if someone equated your life to that piece of paper? Marriage is serious business, if you want to be in it long term, treat it as such.

"What If I'm Missing Out By Waiting?"

I have to admit you are right on this one. Indeed you are missing out on a chance of getting STDs. You are missing out on a relationship built on distrust. You are missing out on a poor self esteem. You are missing out on a chance to ruin intimacy with the man you eventually marry. You are missing out on the heartache and guilt that premarital sex never fails to deliver. How do you feel about 'missing out'  now? My friend, don't be deceived. You have the rest of your life to have sex, no one ever died from a lack of it. 

Sex Is…

such a beautiful thing when it's married sex. It loses its beauty, strength and sacredness outside of marriage. If you truly desire a deep level of intimacy in marriage, my advice to you is to wait. I did, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Was I tempted to not wait? For sure, but I had to get to a point where I told myself that even if God appeared to me and said premarital sex was okay, I'd still choose to wait. I wanted to know the man I'd be marrying-spirit and soul-before knowing his body. 

Waiting Is…

mutual respect for each other, trust that isn't easily eroded and love built on a stronger foundation than hormones and fickle butterflies in the belly. Don't you want that? 


  Ronke Alao left her family behind and relocated to the United States from Nigeria. She struggled with fitting in  and lacked confidence at first. Having being through moments of uncertainty, doubt and not fitting in herself, she is able to bring compassion and understanding to the table when she speaks to others. Her passion is to help instill confidence and a healthy self esteem in other women so they can live a fulfilling and rich life. Download her recently  released free E-book-Embracing The Real You.


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