"Help! I Love My Husband…But I Think I Love This Other Guy Too!" – Dealing With Naughty Sexual Attractions
By: Ronke Alao
You love your husband, he means so much to you. Both of you have been married for a number of years and yes you find him very attractive. But then, there is this other guy, the new guy at the office. He's so cute and you hate to admit it but your heart leaps out of your chest when he looks at you (or when you think he is looking at you). "Oh, this is so inappropriate", you think, but you can't seem to help yourself…
"Hello", his warm voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You look up and realize the prince charming you were thinking about was just a feet away. There he is, smiling at you, striking up a conversation. "My name is Mike, what's yours?". You suddenly forget your name and a voice in your head is screaming, RUN!
Few of us women will admit it but it's not unusual for a woman in a loving marriage to be strongly drawn to a man other than her spouse. This person could be someone she has contact with often or someone she's never even met, a celebrity maybe. I once wanted to marry Denzel Washington as a teenage girl. I knew i loved him. Then I found out he wasn't only married, but he had a child my age, (real bummer!). Recently, I listened to a radio show where a married woman had written in. She explained she was strongly attracted to her pastor and was asking for advice on what to do.
This woman knew she needed help but sought the anonymity that writing a radio show would provide her. Perhaps she felt ashamed about the situation. So what's a woman to do?
1. Realize It Is Normal
Wait, before you throw stones at me. I only said it was normal, I never said it was okay or that it is to be encouraged. As individuals, chances are we have certain physical or emotional characteristics that we admire in the opposite sex. It could even have been something that drew us to our husbands. When we recognize such qualities in someone else, we are naturally drawn. So, breathe.
You are not a slut. It's not about the feelings, it's what you do with them.
2. Spill It Into An Environment Of Love
By spilling it, I mean talk to someone about it. It has to be someone you trust and who you know has your best interest at heart. Someone with the maturity to handle the information you're entrusting into their hands. Also someone who can hold you accountable. For me, that person would be my husband. You may think I'm crazy to tell my husband that I find some other guy attractive. I can only do that because I know he is mature enough to process that and help me think straight. (If you've ever walked this road, you know your ability to be objective can be hindered a bit).
When my husband and I were engaged, we actually had the converstation where we discussed possibilities of been attracted to someone else. We agreed we'd come open to each other about it and cover each other. That worked to our benefit because few months down the road, I had to spill it.
Why is it so important to talk to someone?
- Evil thrives in secrecy and dishonesty
- The fact that someone knows what you're going through keeps you on guard. You know you're been watched
- Telling someone about it helps break some of the hold that your wild feelings might have on you.
3. Starve It
Next step is to starve the feelings and emotions.Dani Johnson always says, "whatever you feed will flourish and what ever you starve dies". Put a distance between you and the person in question. If it's someone who works in the same place as you, don't go out of your way to have frequent contact with that person. Also, it's time to feed and nurture your relationship with your husband with all you've got.
Many marriages have been weakened or even destroyed becuase of cases that started out as naughty attractions. Remember, an emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical affair. If opening up to your husband about it scares the daylight out of you, then find a trusted, mature woman who can guide you through.
It's important to know you aren't alone. So the next time naughty attractions surface, don't forget to – Realize it, Spill it and Starve it!
What Did You Think?
What are your thoughts about today's article? If you liked it, click the 'like' button. Perhaps you have stories of naughty attractions to share with us Leave us a comment below.
Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teach women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.
She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter,EveryWoman’s Heart, is read in over 90 countries.