How To Have A Thriving And Romantic Relationship
By: Ronke Alao
His e-mail sounded very sad and frustrated. Sam and Titi had been dating for two years and from all I knew or thought I knew, they were madly in love and doing great until he informed me he was bored with the relationship and didn’t know why. Thinking it was just a guy thing and maybe it was only a phase, I told him I bet Titi wasn’t bored.
Well, he said she was too though she also confessed she still loved him very much. So how does a couple go from madly in love and looking forward to getting married, to bored and tired? It is by doing everything you see in your favourite romantic movies. You may not believe the answer but it’s true. Think of the top romance movies and no matter how the story lines seem to differ, there are still trends common to romance movies and novels.
It’s All About Chemistry Baby!
Contrary to what the movies have taught us, chemistry might be important but it isn’t what a good relationship is all about. In fact, just because you are attracted to someone doesn’t mean you should be together. Physical attraction can be fleeting but it’s more important to know if you share the same core values. If you find the other person doesn’t share the same values as you, you should take a walk. Chemistry devoid of any real substance isn’t sustainable for a lifetime and that is why people in movies leave their spouse and find new love with someone they just had “chemistry” with again.
When the thrill of sex wears off, you are left with nothing but a used body and a broken heart.
It’s All About Great Sex!
Another theme of romance movies/novels is great sex. The guy is nice, handsome, tall and sweet plus the sex was great. He is the total package right? Listen, if you are busy sleeping with a guy, you aren’t really having a thriving relationship. You are demonstrating that you lack self control and make decisions based on something as fickle as sex. You are laying a slippery foundation for your relationship and when the thrill of sex wears off, you are left with nothing but a used body and a broken heart. You are worth more than that.
Save the sex for the commitment of marriage. Don’t sell yourself short. Let him have something to look forward to. If you are delivering all your “goods” without commitment, why should he commit? If a guy says, “It’s time we take our relationship to the next level”, then tell him,” Great! So you are proposing marriage?” That would shock the lust out of him.
Let’s Live In The Moment!
As romantic and wonderful as that may sound, it spells disaster for a relationship on the long run. As much as you should do fun stuff together like going out, seeing movies and going to restaurants; you also want to set time aside to discuss your future together.
Meaningful relationships take time and planning. They don’t just happen by accident or by the passage of time.
Have meaningful discussions geared towards knowing what the other person thinks about marriage, roles in marriage, finances, upbringing of children, discipline, roles of in-laws, career goals and the likes.
If all you are doing is simply sharing fun moments and looking into each other’s eyes saying “I love you”, all you are doing is living a fantasy and drunk in love and when you eventually wake up, the hangover will be pretty bad. Meaningful relationships take time and planning. They don’t just happen by accident or by the passage of time.
May your relationship not only be romantic but meaningful and thriving.
We’d love to hear from you! What does a thriving and romantic relationship consist of? Leave us a comment!