Tag Archives: confidence

“Help, I Want A Boyfriend!”




Lonely womanIt was my third year at the university. Life was good. I had great friends and was loving life as a young woman. What was there not to love? I was no longer the socially awkward, slightly timid girl I used to be. I was actually fun to be around and had grown in so many ways; more mature, in fact somewhat wiser than my years if I say so myself. The shyness and timidity that trailed my teenage years was now behind me. I was no longer a teenager but now a 20 year old woman; a sassy, beautiful and confident 20 year old woman. Though I had changed in a few short years, it was good change. At that point in my life, I had great friends that influenced me positively. Friends that encouraged and challenged me to have a closer walk with God. In fact, it was at this stage of my life that I got to know God more.

I had great friends; both female and male. The number of male friends I had was unprecedented. Not that I had them by the dozens but if you consider the fact that I didn't have male friends in high school, a handful of male friends at this point was a lot. I didn’t have male friends as a teenager and I didn’t particularly want one. In those days, I thought boys were ducks. My girlfriends meant everything to me.  A few years down the line and I was seeing men through different eyes. I actually thought of some of them as attractive…

Beautiful, confident and attractive as I was, I had never had a boyfriend, NEVER. I simply enjoyed life and the company of my friends. The fact that I wasn't romantically involved with anyone had never bothered me. I had school work to worry about. I wasn't bothered until now. As my third year in school gradually came to a close, the fact that I was not in a relationship and had never been in one, started to occupy my thoughts. Not that I felt I was missing out on something really, but at this stage, almost all of my girlfriends were in serious relationships. Anytime I couldn't hang out with a friend because she had to spend time with her boyfriend was a subtle reminder that I wasn't romantically involved with anyone.

How does a lady get over feelings of inadequacy and discontentment that might creep in, in times like this?

1. Find Your Own Identity
It's important to realise that you are who you are. Your sense of identity should not be wrapped up in who you are dating or whether or not you are dating someone. I was able to rise above feelings of inadequacy because I knew who I was in Christ. Having a man was not the most important thing in my life, knowing God was. The one who created you knows the longing of your heart better than any man will, ever. Spend your single days getting to know him and accept his love. He alone can fill you up with the love that you so much desire; love that is ever constant and unchanging.

2. Adding Value To Yourself And Others. 
The state of being single and unattached is a blessing that many single people fail to utilize. Spend time learning and developing skills that you've always wanted to. Use your "free time" wisely. What you consider free time now will diminish a little when you get in a relationship and even more when you get married. Don't get wrapped up in yourself and your lack of a man, volunteer your time and resources to help others. Help an orphanage, go on a missionary trip, meet people, make friends and build relationships with quality people.    
One of the things I had the most fun doing as a single person was going on village (missionary) outreaches while I was a university student. The Students' Christian body I belonged to would organize such outreaches and it was such adventure going into a rural area for days, sharing the gospel of Christ. 
It filled me with such sense of fulfilment.

3. Prepare For Relationship and Marriage
Too many people spend time moping around because they aren't married but do nothing to prepare for that stage of life. No one gets a happy marriage by chance and a marriage doesn't just become a happy one because the two people involved love each other; at least, not in the sense that single people think about "love". Now is the time for you to know some basics about marriage and learn skills that will help you build a solid one. Read books on marriage and don’t spend so much time reading romance novels. Romance novels can be appealing and even addicting but they don’t equip you to have a happy marriage in the future. You are better off reading books that are true investment in your future. If you have trouble maintaining good relationships with friends, family and co-workers; a boyfriend isn't exactly what you need just yet. You need people skills. Also, you need to figure out what the important qualities are in a man that would make you consider marriage with him.

Before I graduated from the university, I had a few guys who showed interest in me. It was tempting to say yes just to have a boyfriend but I couldn't do that. As a matter of integrity, I didn't think it was okay to lead someone on emotionally when you know you don't see a future for the relationship. I had to decline.

At the right time, I got into a relationship with a man I could truly love and respect and we later got married. It didn't matter how long I had to wait, it was worthwhile. Make your time of waiting worthwhile too.



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Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teach women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.

She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter,EveryWoman’s Heart,is read in over 90 countries.

Download her free E-book– Embracing The Real You.

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