HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND (ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS ANNOYING)
BY: RONKE ALAO
We had been arguing back and forth for several minutes about God knows what. I can’t even remember right now, but whatever it was, we both felt strongly about it. I was getting weary of stating my position and I just wanted him to agree with me and be done with the argument. Isn’t that the most annoying thing? When you and your husband don’t see eye to eye on a subject matter and he won’t just back off and “concede”.
I’m usually not the type to argue. When I’m around other people and they strongly believe the sky is green and the grass is blue, I don’t try to convince them otherwise. I just let it go, but I guess with your spouse, it’s different. You simply feel that need to state, explain and argue what you believe and get irritated or hurt when he doesn’t agree. Don’t ask me why this is the case or why it bothers us more when our husbands have a different opinion on issues but I think it’s because deep down, somewhere in our hearts, we feel “betrayed” when our spouse doesn’t take sides with us on an issue. It doesn’t matter how fickle the topic is, it could be anything from who should be voted as the country’s president to how your living room should be arranged. Disagreements are just kind of annoying when the person you disagree with is your husband. So what’s a girl to do?
· STOP! Yes, you should stop and think about what it is you are doing? Think about why it bothers you so much and why you feel irritated. Is it really about what is been argued or you are just mad at him. Perhaps you feel like he is acting like he’s your boss and that just drives you nut. That voice in your head says, “Who does he think he is? Trying to tell me what and what not to do”. It’s never really just about what is being discussed, it is about how we feel when we engage in an argument with our spouse. You have to be honest about your true feelings.
· SPEAK UP – Okay , I don’t mean raising your voice. Chances are you did a bit of that while arguing. What I mean is, voice out what is really going on in your mind. I do this with my husband. When we argue about something, at some point I say something like, “You know the real reason I’m mad is because I feel like my opinions don’t count” or sometimes I say, “I feel stupid and that’s why I’m so defensive”. It’s a strange thing to do but I have found out that it helps to break the ice when you just let down your guard and be vulnerable. Let your spouse see the underlying reason(s) behind your behavior.
· A TEASPOON OF I LOVE YOU– You want to master the use of the words “I love you”. I know that when you are involved in a heated discussion with your spouse, the last thing you want to keep saying is, how much you love him, right? Well, let me tell you, adding a teaspoon of “I love you” every now and then in the middle of an argument does wonders to diffuse tension. My husband is very good with this. Anytime we have a disagreement and tension is running high, he would say, “I love you so much and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you”. When he says it the first time, I usually think, “Yeah right! If you love me, you would just stop arguing with me right now and agree with me”. But then after a few more minutes, he would say those words again and I found out that with time , I lower my defenses and my heart just warms with love for him even if I’m still mad at him. I know it’s weird but some of the times that I’ve felt very in love with my husband isn’t always when we see eye to eye on matters. It is when we are having a heated discussion.
I sometimes wish we never have to argue but then I think that’s part of the stuff that great marriages are made of.
When they say “the two shall become one”, I think disagreements are all part of the process of becoming one.
If you see a couple who claim they have never disagreed before , someone is lying or they are just playing married couple and are not that into each other ..
It is okay to disagree in marriage but when all is said and done, do we come out of it loving our spouse more or despising him. Remember, love conquers all. Every other thing will fade away but love will remain.
What Do You Think?
How do you show your husband you love him when you don't see eye to eye on an issue? Leave us a comment here.
Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teaches women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.
She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter, EveryWoman’s Heart, is read in over 72 countries.