Having had the opportunity to live in two different cultures,African and Western, I've found that women often feel a need to get into marriage. It's like an expectation that the society places on us. You finish high school and people start asking what college you want to attend. After college is done, they ask "how is the job search going?". Once you get a job, the question you are most likely to get is, "who is that young man that calls you all the time?". Then finally,"when are you guys tying the knot?" I don't know about you but as a young lady, I sometimes felt like someone was counting the years for me. Like someone was quick to remind me what the next thing on the timetable was.
Now I know people ask questions out of love and concern, but let's face it, they ask mostly out of sheer ignorance – (Oops, I just made someone real mad). Relax, read on. Have you ever wondered who created a timeline for things to happen in your life in the first place? Who said you had to do college before marriage? Who says you have to do one thing and not the other in college? While my family, my fiance's family, my fiance and I thought it was time we made our engagement official, a friend thought it was a bad idea that I was committing to someone I loved. I remember his words clearly, "why get engaged to a guy now when you are more likely to meet better men in the US?" Duh! I've lived in the US for almost four years now and no man loves like my hubby does. I'm so lucky to have 'snatched' him when I did
As a woman,you sometimes need to get away from the voices that crowd your ears and your life and take a step back. You need to ask yourself some often difficult but straight-forward questions about what you really want in life and how you intend to get it. As humans, the natural approach is to do what everyone is doing. We tend to plan our lives to fit the pattern that we think others would approve of. We even chase things that are not the most important to us and when we get what we chased, we can't remember why we wanted to chase it in the first place.
When it comes to marriage,one vital question you need to ask yourself is, "Am I Ready For Marriage?".
Let's face it, age isn't what prepares us for marriage. oh, let me shock you even further, your sex organs don't even prepare you for marriage. Neither does your bank account. I used to think those things were a sure sign of been prepared for marriage. They make marriage fun but they don't make it stick. By now you're probably asking,"Ronke,so what prepares a person for marriage?". Well, If I haven't scared you off or simply annoyed the snort out of you, then you want the truth and you can handle it. In that case, I'll give it to you. Let's talk about things you need to ponder as you seek to answer the question, "Am I Ready For Marriage?"
# 1. How well do I get along with others?
Girl, if people smell trouble anytime you're around, it's probably because you are trouble. If you think everyone in school or at work just looks for a way to pick fights with you and so you give them hell, marriage isn't going to change you. It will only give you a bigger ring to showcase your wrestling skills.
# 2. Do I always have to get my way?
Marriage is a boat full of compromises. It's not all about you. If you find it hard to let things go or you have a serious need to win arguments, marriage is not the place for that. There are people who have never lost an argument and have a few divorces to show for it!
# 3. What are my dreams and goals?
Marriage is like an air craft. It's going to take you somewhere whether you want to be there or not.Once you're aboard the flight, you're headed for some place. You had better know where you want to go so you know if you are boarding the right flight.
# 4. What do I want in a man and am I willing to give the same?
Okay, this one is a loaded two-part question. Almost everyone knows the first part – what they want in a man. Not everyone is excited about the second part though. Marriage isn't like a pizza restaurant where we just order what we want – mushrooms and chicken – and it just gets delivered.You see, we reap what we sow. Do you want a man who is honest, loving, respects you,looks out for your interest and is your cheerleader in life? Then you need to do the same for people around you. Like breeds like. Learn to encourage others, show love, be honest and great love will find you.
# 5. Am I ready to give up my 'privacy' and independence?
Newsflash – you can demand privacy from the government, marketers, your bank, your family and everyone else but not from your spouse. Two of you are to become one flesh.Try severing a part of the flesh on your arm from the rest of the body…it's not fun right? Also about independence, many people want to get married and still be 100% independence. I'm not suggesting you throw independence out to the trash can, but trying to be as independent as you were as a single woman while you are married is a joke. When you get married, you have a family you are accountable to. It's not just about you. You can no longer come and go as you please. You have a spouse and, at some point, kids that need you.
# 6. Am I happy as a single person?
Believe it or not but happily single people are the ones who become happily married people. Marriage doesn't make anyone happy long term, it just adds icing to the cake of happiness you already carry as a single person. No normal human wants to marry someone who becomes a liability, we all want to marry someone who will be an asset to us. If you are unhappy, you are simply going to bring that to a marriage and it sucks the joy out of the relationship. Find purpose and happiness where you are at. Enjoy where you are currently, it makes where you are going much more fun.
Okay, by now you're probably thinking, "With these kind of expectations,who then can be ready?". Don't feel overwhelmed. The truth is, no one becomes 100% ready. As we go along in marriage, everyday is an opportunity to learn something new. You're never done learning but when you enter marriage with the right mindset, the learning can come easy. Getting prepared, while you wait for marriage helps to put you at an advantage.