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Three Reasons To Date A Married Man

 

 

Three Reasons To Date A Married Man

By: Ronke Alao

Women who knowingly date married men are often viewed with contempt. Why would anyone choose to be with a man who is already committed in marriage to another woman? Well, if you are single and considering dating a married man, I will give you 5 solid reasons why you should go ahead and do it.

 

1.            It’s Nobody’s Business Who You Date. 

  Yes, you are an adult and if you’d rather be another woman’s husband, that is your decision. You can live with it.  Hopefully, the wife of the man you are dating is a nutcase and when she finds out, things WILL turn violent. That’s cool too. If you go missing, it’s no body’s cup of tea, right? You are an adult. You can deal with the consequences. Whatever evil comes out of it is yours for the keeping. No one needs to feel sorry for you or empathize with you.

2.            It Feels Great Being Second-best

 It’s every woman’s dream to be second-best isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what he says, “I love you”, “I only care about you”, blah, blah, blah; you know he’s lying. You are pretty sure you’ll always be his second best. 

3.            It Feels Great To Be Used And ….Dumped

 It’s a given, you know you are been used. No need to “suspect” it or hope it’s not happening.  You can count on being used and dumped.

 

Okay, I probably have you confused by now but you get my drift.

There are never any “good” reasons to date a married man.  I know sometimes, we women get suckered into it by sweet-talking snakes who camouflage as men but good never comes out of it.

When you are dating a married man, chances are he’s given you ‘genuine’ reasons why he’s cheating on his wife and how miserable she makes him feel. I don’t care whether he’s married to the devil’s cousin; he exchanged vows with her, not you. If he won’t respect that, he’s not worthy to have you as a friend not to talk of having you as his wife someday.

If he says he’s depressed, what are you trying to be to him? His anti-depressant?

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking you are helping him. He might be sick, but don’t sign up to be his doctor or therapist. Honey, you need to love yourself past that. You are beautiful and believe it or not, you deserve someone who will LOVE you. A man who is currently cheating on his wife doesn’t have the ability to love you the way you should be loved.

If he says he’s been disrespected or ridiculed by his wife, he’s only fooling you. He is the one who keeps disrespecting his wedding vows, his wife and his kids if he has any.  

If he whispers sweet nothings into your ear; “You make me feel alive, important and loved.” don’t believe a word of it.

If you make him feel that important, he would have divorced his wife and married you. Also, a man who cheats on his wife to feel important is sick. Sorry but I have to be frank with you.  Marriage is a commitment; it’s not all ice-cream and chocolate. We all have to move beyond wanting to feel good all the time to staying committed to our spouse and staying true to our vows. That is what love is.  Real love doesn’t engage in illicit sex. If he really loves you, how many of his family members has he introduced you to as his girlfriend, fiancée or whatever?

Whatever is done in the dark and in secret doesn’t speak love. No, it speaks shame.

I know sometimes, men who cheat on their wives sometimes paint this picture, like they are honorable and all that.

He tells you he is definitely going to divorce his wife. He is just waiting for the right time.

Perhaps he wants his daughter to graduate high school first or his wife has just being diagnosed with cancer and he thinks now is not the time. He makes you think he’s this caring guy who still cares about his terrible wife and his innocent kids right? It’s all Bologna Sandwich (BS)!  The truth is he won’t leave his wife for you.  He loves having his wife and having you at the same time. He gets a weird fulfillment from that. He doesn’t want to not have his kids with him too.  

You can wait for him till you’re grey in the head, but he won’t leave his wife for you.

My dear, stop lying to yourself about how it’s okay and how “his marriage was a mistake in the first place  how  “ she never really loved him”.  If his marriage is hurting, let him deal with it. Don’t let him drag you into his mess. Stop stripping yourself of self-worth. You deserve more than a lying-cheat. God who created you thinks of you as beautiful and precious, don’t let someone use and toss you into the trash can.

You are a treasure and there is a handsome, Prince Charming somewhere who needs to find you. But he won’t as long as you keep hiding behind the cheater and fake prince charming.

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What Do You Think?

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Let me know what you think about dating a married man.

Leave your comment below.

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        Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teaches women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.

        She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale,  who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter, EveryWoman’s Heart, is read  in over 72 countries.

 

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Comments

  1. Debbie says:

    I agree, never, no matter what your heart thinks use your brain and your spirituality

  2. im feeling guilty right now, while typing the words,its been 1 month….anyway im 25 years old, a nurse here in phi. i meet a filipino doctor who work in nyc. my friend introduced me to him. we meet several times while his here….before he go back to nyc. he promise we will keep in touch., he is a married man. we communicate often.. everyday he calls me, he even send me magic jack so i can call him anytime, a smartphone so he can easily check on me,where ever i am. he is kinda jealous anyway.we have a special relationship,and i know its not right, i never with a married man before, but this time, i was madly inlove with him, he is sweet and caring,and i feel love everytime we talk.. until one night his wife called me,, totally mad.angry and devastated, obviously her wife know our secret….i cant actually understand the whole words shes yelling because she is really mad, like she wants me dead… but his husband stand by me, he choose me,i can hear them fighting and he admit to his wife that he loves me much,that he can leave everything for me. i hear everything while they were fighting the phone was on, until i cant bear and i cut off the line, i was so guilty that i change my number and i never contacted him,after 3weeks, after work my roomate told me that there is someone waiting for me, at the visitors area. for my big surprise it was him… i love him so much, and i am happy to see him. but i am feeling sad about his wife.. but what can i do,, now we staying together in a house that he bought for me,and he is here beside me kissing and cuddling,, well i know i hurt his wife but,, what can i do,, his husband is my life,, they were working about the annulment. and what matter for me now, is me and him together.

    1. Ronke Alao says:

      I understand how you feel but you can’t hold on to what’s not yours. The man in question is married. Your feelings for him do not make it right. You have to sever the relationship and trust that the man meant for you will walk into your life.

  3. Wow this has been an eye opener….I have been seeing a married man for 8 months now, he was open and honest about his relationship and at first I was hesitant and told him I could not do this, I did not want to be part of such a sin. Well guess what I fell in love with him, he is so sweet,caring and I thought honest but after reading this it puts me to think..well to make a long story short, today he brought me home from work as he does everyday since I met him, he always tells me whats going on in his life and I do same, well he proceeds to say that his son is coming for a visit and he has plans to be out and about with the family and he will let me know when just in case we bump into each other (this is something I have asked him to do)..well for some reason this has hit me hard, maybe cause the holidays are near and just the thought makes me sick, I just can’t believe he would lie to me about the relationship he and his wife has I mean he is always telling me he wants to leave but is afraid she won’t make it on her own, his kids are grown adults but he worries about her…ughh I feel like such an idiot now,but still don’t know what to do cause I truly love him and I feel he does too.

    1. Tom says:

      I sincerely apologize up front for being this blunt but open your EYES for a NUMBER of reasons, ladies, because categorically every single one of you are total fools and are being played. Every man wants "newness" when it comes to sex. ONLY, and I mean 100% ONLY if a woman falls in love with a married man and they do not have sex because they want to wait until he is legally separated – ONLY thencould I possibly believe everything is on the up and up. But tell me, how often does that happen? Never. Because cheaters ONLY cheat to have sex, and unfortunately it is the act of sex which the woman confuses with love, every time – PERIOD!  When I drank alot, I cheated on scores of girlfriends for one reason alone: I was addicted to and aobsessed with and HAD TO HAVE new "pussy" — and that was it. I would say anything to get it, and granted these were not cheats in marriages, but each act was still cheating. And half the time after wild lovemaking (and it is wild because a guy is crazy about the "newness") the wman would claim she was crazy about me. The element about notbeing able to have something you want also plays a twisted challenge where the woman fels she must come out on top and prove she CAN get what she is not supposed to have. Later in life when I fell madly in love – two times – and could only think monogamously and never believed she felt differently — I was cheated on and absolutely crushed and destroyed to the point where it took years to recover and I still do not trust women (though I believe I will when I meet the right one – I pray). Only after I felt that pain myself did I vow to never hurt another woman as long as Iive (by cheating). I have not yet found the woman of my dreams. Perhaps because of my earlier actions I never will and that will be my lesson in life this go-round — BUT HEAR THIS! Both women I fell in love with and who claimed to be in love wih me cheated on their husbands WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE (ie they said they were already divorced but lied) before we became monogomous. The problem with meeting a lover when one person is cheating is that never will you totally trust one another — and you probably shouldn't. The likelihood of "once a cheater always a cheater" I believe proves to be true 100% of the time if one partner cheats on another. If a woman is out on the town and just wants to have a fling – then go for it. Other wise, beware, I swear. But God Bless and good luck anyhow.

  4. When a marriage goes through a crisis, it can either be the breaking point of the relationship or it can be a vehicle for moving forward as a stronger couple. Everyone makes mistakes within their marriage but some mistakes are more monumental or life changing. Such is the case when a husband has an affair, lies about something critical or hides things from his wife. Even though he may not have set out to hurt her, the consequences can be devastating not only for the woman he married, but for the family, in general. Overcoming this is a unique challenge unto itself, if your wife is so hurt that she can’t forgive you, it’s time to evaluate the marriage and pinpoint how to move things in a more positive direction.

  5. humanbe says:

    I think all what you said about dating a married man is totally correct. But, the question is why do single women fall in love with a married man although there is many other single men??. All women think that the main reason behind a married man seeking an extra-marital relation is sex? does this apply to single women too?.I mean is it love or fullfiling the sexual desire that push a woman towrads such a relation??. If it is sex for both sides, that should be very clear from the start with all the conditions of the relation being clear and even how to cut it. But mixing things will lead to disasters as the writer said. If fulfilling your sexual desires with a married man let you feel as a sinner , so it is more if you fall in love with a married man. Better ask him to call back when he is already divorced and you are still available for him. 

  6. thabs says:

    i just met a married been married for three years and suddenly seeing woman outside its frightening i now its bad to date him as he is married and im hoping he can just love his wife and be faithfull to her its nt nice to see him go home everday day late at about 10:30 in the evening this shud be time for them to cuddle and enjoy each other but already he cheats and now he asked that i should not leave him please this is bad n i just feel dat to me dating him would just be fun and he spends for me,he takes care of me he makes time for me something my boyfriend wouldnt do.

  7. Chocolate Rose says:

    Thanks Ronke for writing this wonderful article about why a woman should date a married man. When I was younger, I dated a married man for seven years. I ended the FAKE relationship because I got tired of feeling used by him. I didn't expect for him to leave his wife because he told me he wouldn't. Now I'm in my early 40s, I have been celibate for 4 years and counting. I am waiting on my godly Prince, but as for now, God is the BEST HUSBAND I could ever have. Keep allowing God to use you!!!!!