The news of Robin Williams’ death came as an unpleasant surprise. This man who was great at what he did as an actor and who brought smiles to the face of many had taken his own life. Who could have guessed he was suffering, suffering enough to want to end it all. Anytime I hear of people, famous or not, commit suicide, I wonder how the outcome could have been different. Perhaps just a ray of hope could have changed their minds. Could they have spoken to someone, gotten help and be lifted out of the darkness that overshadows them?
Too often, people commit emotional suicide by letting the difficulties of marriage swallow them.
No matter the circumstances we face in life, we always talk to someone at some point and in some way. Believe it or not, Robin spoke out. He spoke to us all of his pain and despair but it was too late. He spoke to us through the act of suicide. He spoke in a way and at a time that help could not be offered anymore. This got me thinking of how many people make the same decision in marriage of speaking in a way that help can’t be offered or speaking too late. I am not talking about physical suicide now.
Too often, people commit emotional suicide by letting the difficulties of marriage swallow them. They ignore red flags, they live in denial of the fact that their marriage is slowly decaying. No one wants to be viewed as a failure by friends and family so we all keep up the fake smiles when we are with friends and loved ones. We post pictures of ourselves with our spouses on Facebook with huge smiles and get likes and comments about how we are such cute couples but underneath it all, the decay festers. We hope things would get better with the passing of time so we keep marking time. Perhaps society is to blame. Rather than applaud a couple seeking help to mend their marriage, we whisper and cast unkind looks at them because we are afraid to admit we aren’t really perfect in our own marriages too.
We post pictures of ourselves with our spouses on Facebook with huge smiles and get likes and comments about how we are such cute couples but underneath it all, the decay festers.
Friends, please listen to me, a troubled marriage isn’t just one where the husband and wife don’t see eye to eye anymore. When a woman stays married “for the sake of the children” , her marriage is troubled. When she could care less about what her husband does and who he sleeps with, her marriage is troubled. When she and her husband no longer spend time together anymore because really, building a career and fattening the bank account is more important (especially when there are children to care for), her marriage is troubled. When a woman feels neglected and disrespected by her husband, her marriage is troubled. When she carries emotional wounds inflicted by her husband even without his knowledge, her marriage is troubled. Problems in marriage can be subtle but dangerous.
We’ve been wrongly advised that third party “interference” in a marriage is bad news so “always resolve conflict within yourselves”. Well, what happens when private conflict resolution between a couple fails?
If your marriage falls under the category of what has just being described as troubled and you are just getting by because someone told you that’s just the way it is, then I have a piece of advice for you – get help before it’s too late! Too many women condone their husband’s bad behaviour in marriage and hope things get better. We’ve been wrongly advised that third party interference in a marriage is bad news so “always resolve conflict within yourselves”. Well, what happens when private conflict resolution between a couple fails?
…what was once a marriage with hopes and dreams would be gone forever with ashes in the wind.
There is wisdom in reaching out to trusted people for help. Please do not wait until you no longer care about the marriage or your spouse. Seek help while you can still be helped. Don’t ignore the red flags. Seek help while it still means something for the health of your marriage because if you put up with it pain, emotional abuse, neglect, infidelity or whatever the case is, there will come a time when you will get sick of it all and not care. Even if your husband was repentant and changed his ways, your heart wouldn’t care one bit and what was once a marriage with hopes and dreams would be gone forever with ashes in the wind.
Do not commit marriage suicide, get help now.