If you're married or you have had a boyfriend for a considerable length of time, I'm sure you've been there before. You get into an argument with your husband and he just drives you nuts. Why doesn't he get it? Something needs to be done and you're pretty sure you know the best way to do it but he thinks your way isn't right, smart or good enough. He has another way. Actually he doesn't think of it as another alternative. His is the best, most efficient and only way to get it done and that's final! You're so upset you want to scream at him. Before you know it, you may even be filled with such resentment.
He just drives me crazy! Why does he always try to have his way? Well, he's not winning this time. I don't take orders from nobody!
You look at the man you love and all you feel is anger and frustration toward him. How do you resolve this monster called conflict and get back to happy again? Conflict is a part of our everyday life. We encounter it the moment we wake up. Be it at the store, at work, and with friends. It can be disturbing depending on the magnitude of the issue and how well we value our relationship with those involved.
Personally, I found out that I coped just well whenever I wasn't seeing eye to eye with friends and family on an issue but if the person involved was my husband, It just had a unique way of getting under my skin!
My husband and I always got along for the most part but would not see eye to eye on how much I was spending on attending business training seminars. It was always a struggle for me. He felt I should attend one or two and reinforce what I had learned by listening to audios and reading books. I, on the other hand thought it was important that I attend multiple events to get better at what I was doing. We would have long discussions where he would present logical facts to support his argument, while I would simply get worked up and tell him how I 'felt' about it all. These were emotionally and physically-draining conversation. Oh, they were costly too, since we would be having these talks over long distance calls. This went on for a number of months and I was afraid it might hurt our relationship. So I started praying about it.
I prayed that God would change him. How many times have you thought or prayed,"God please change him, let him be more understanding!" After a while, I came to the realization that for things to change, I had to change.
I started showing him some respect. I tried to understand why he was acting the way he did. I listened more than I talked (which was super hard!). The moment I did that, it became evident that he wasn't saying NO just to spite me. He was concerned that I may have gotten carried away with attending business seminars and not managing our finances well. He was concerned that I may not be really implementing the skills I was learning but only acquiring more knowledge at the expense of our purse. When I wasn't blinded by my own ego and desire to be independent, I could sympathize with his views. I had to admit I was the spender in our relationship.
So what did I do? I decided to honor his request not to attend another seminar. Practicing the skills I had learnt in previous events I had attended now became a priority. By doing this, I was telling my husband that I valued his opinions. I also made it a priority to let him know how much I respected his foresight and ability to safe guard our finances. Are you getting this? In essence, I not only made him feel honored and appreciated, I did it with sincerity. Guess what? My husband noticed! One day, he said to me "you've really changed and I'm so lucky to have you". I no longer had to rant and rave about how he wouldn't let me attend seminars anymore. My husband actually wanted me to attend the seminars at that point. He's happy, I'm happy, we're both happy
Ladies, we all have it in us to influence (not manipulate) our men to seeing things from our viewpoint. Trying to show you've got "rights" or that you're assertive and smarter than everyone else may work great for the workplace but it WILL NOT serve you well in marriage. Give him what he wants – honor and respect – and he will give you what you want. Now, I won't fool you by saying my husband and I now agree 100% of the time. We sometimes have conflicting opinions but we are still able to respect and love each other. Disagreements now bring us closer rather than drive us far apart.
Have you found loving ways to resolve conflicts with Your Man! Tell me about it. Leave a comment below.