Category Archives: Confidence

My Battle With A Monster

friendly monster

My Battle With A Monster

By: Ronke Alao

Commitment is a fancy word that means different things to different people. To some, it is the force that drives you to do what needs to be done even in the face of difficulty and obstacles, yet to some other people, commitment is the friendly monster in the room that you know is friendly and won’t harm you. In fact, it is there to help you reach your goals and live a fulfilled life but it is a monster nonetheless and it scares you. It scares you because you know once you make that decision to commit and follow through, you have to embrace all that comes with it.

Helping people, (women especially), have fulfilling relationships and marriage is what I enjoy doing. It took a lot for me to start writing marriage-related articles but once I started, it was a joy ride.  What made it more fulfilling was getting feedback from my readers. It was indication that I was doing the right thing and helping people I have never even met. At first, I would get ‘thank you ” emails, questions from men who wanted to know how best to settle a disagreement with their girlfriends, women who wanted to know if they were making a right choice dating whomever they were with and people who just write to let me know I’ve impacted them in a big way. I also got my share of hate mail.

After a while, I started shying away from writing and I had pretty good reasons – life was happening to me. I didn’t have time; I was pregnant and so on and so forth. They all sounded like neat reasons except they were all excuses. Excuses I gave so I wouldn’t have to write. The truth was I had let fear get the best of me. I was afraid and discouraged. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t the hate-filled mails that scared me. It was the ones that told me about how great of a job I was doing, how I had saved someone from an abusive relationship or I was helping someone make a better decision on who to marry. It was good feedback but why did it scare me? I think the fact that I could sit in front of a laptop and touch people’s lives in such powerful ways, that I could influence people in making life altering decisions or that I was the reason someone decided not to commit suicide. It all seemed too much to handle. So I clammed up. Easier not to write than having to deal with all that pressure.

Why am I coming out now? I am learning that as scary as commitment is, I have to embrace it to live a fulfilling life. Each of those emails I got – yes even the hate-filled ones –were evidence to the fact that I was on the right path.

Do you sometimes find yourself taking the path of least resistance just so you wouldn’t have to leave your comfort zone? It’s not worth it. It’s like dying a slow death. It really sucks. God’s given each and every one of us gifts and while we may ignore this truth in pursuit of other things, the best we’d end up doing is living a second class life compared to the one he had in mind for us. He never promised that we wouldn’t encounter challenges but he promised to be with us all the way.

I missed the mark when all I could think of was the spotlight on me. . I looked inward rather than look to God for help. It was never about me. Just as you doing what you are gifted to do is never about you. It’s about the master’s grand plan and where you fit. It is about investing in the lives of other people in your own little way.

The arrival of my baby girl was a rude awakening to the fact that it isn’t about me anymore. It never was. That in itself is very liberating. So I am back to writing! What about you? What are you running away from? What do you know you should be committed to but aren’t because of fear? Your life would never be all God meant it to be if you keep running. I know it’s scary, I know it’s overwhelming but good news is God wants to help you. He never designed you to accomplish it all alone. Also, remember it’s not all about you. There’s a world out there waiting for you to shine like the star YOU are.


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Ronke Alao is a writer who gives time-tested and simple principles to help women enjoy their relationships and marriages. Her methods teach women how to get past the confusion of dating and getting to the place where they really have fulfilling relationships and marriage.

She is known for her ‘up-close and personal’ style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter,EveryWoman’s Heart, is read in over 90 countries.   Download her free E-book– Embracing The Real You.

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