Sex, Body Image and Other Overrated Things
By: Ronke Alao
It was the end of another work week and I was about to take my leave when a colleague asked me, "So did you get the apartment?". She was refering to an apartment I was contemplating moving into. I answered yes and told her how excited I was that the search for a decent, not too expensive apartment was over. Then she asked with a questioning look, "why doesn't your husband search with you or does he have the same taste in choosing a home?". It was then I realized this colleague had no clue that my husband wasn't yet living in the US. "He doesn't live here at the moment", I said, wondering what kind of conversation would follow that revelation.
She was in a state of disbelief to say the least, then she fired the all too familiar questions at me. "Wow!" "When did you see him last?", "Why isn't he here?", "That has got to be really hard" and so on and so forth. Out of all the quesions she asked me, I have to say the one that surprised me the most was, "So you have to be faithful and all that? That's got to be hard". I thought, Shouldn't everyone be faithful in marriage? Is that only exclusive to long distance relationships?. I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yes, it's tough not having him around", I answered. I went home that afternoon wondering why a 1-minute conversation about my marraige spiraled into the subject of sex. Yes, sex is important in a marriage but it's not everything.
I know single people tend to think married couples do nothing else all day but have sex but that's not true. There are tons of women who feign a headache every other week just to avoid it. There are married men who shy away from sex with their wives when they have other needs that are not being met.
Sex is important in a marriage, but so is honesty, openness, respect, love, affection, trust, companionship, commitment, honor, kindness and selflessness.
We have been so programmed by the media and made to believe that sex is what really matters. It's in the songs we listen to , it's in the movies, it's even in cartoons! They've figured out a way to infuse what can be called soft porn at its best into children's cartoons. God forbid there's a new T.V show not saturated with sex. It's like it's against the law these days to produce a T.V show that doesn't promote illicit sex or simply overemphasize the whole subject. Reality shows are the worst culprits. Let the truth be told, sex is highly overrated these days. What is even more bothersome is that it doesn't seem to bother a lot of people anymore. We reason it's just entertainment.
I don't know about you but I'm tired of watching T.V shows where all the housewives in a neighborhood have slept with each other's husbands and the nurses at the local hospital are sleeping with the doctors there
We are glorifying sex while the important aspects of marriage are been underemphasized, then we wonder why there is a high divorce rate. It's because we are gradually losing the meaning and sanctity of marriage. And still talking about overrated things, body image is one big issue. Working with a Pediatrician for several weeks exposed me to the problem of poor body image not just in girls but in boys too. Eating disorder is no longer a teenage problem. We now have six and seven year olds who aren't eating as well as they should because they think they are too fat! Girls look at magazines and bill boards, they see the skinny, unrealistic bodies who are supposed to be the images of health and beauty. Magazines manipulate the pictures of models and create a fake image that we are supposed to conform to. I don't know about you but I'm tired of watching T.V shows where all the housewives in a neighborhood have slept with each other's husbands and the nurses at the local hospital are sleeping with the doctors there. We envy and try to look like the sexiest woman in Hollywood not minding that she is miserable and her third marriage is about have an ugly end. Who cares about the sexiest man in Hollywood? My husband loves and respects me. He adores me and takes good care of me, that is sexy enough for me!
Okay, I think I'm going off on a tangent now but you get my drift (or rant)? Let's go back to the basics, the old-fashioned way. How about we have movies that aren't oversexualized, stopped raving and ranting about reality stars that make a living out of flaunting their sexy bodies on T.V. We can blame the media all we want but the media feeds us that stuff because we take it, we buy it, we watch it. Let's refuse to be fed the junk and maybe , just maybe, we could be reminded about the virtues that make a relationship great and the components that make a marriage strong.
She is known for her 'up-close and personal' style of getting her message across and drawing lessons from her personal experience. She is married to her best friend, Wale, who is her biggest cheerleader. Her online newsletter,EveryWoman's Heart, is read in over 72 countries.